That's because asking someone out involves potential pain. Worst of all, you engage in the most banal and abysmal of non-dates-going to coffee.
If the object of your affection becomes aware of your intentions, he or she might not reciprocate, and that's going to hurt. Instead of asking someone out on a date and being bold in their intentions, they turn to the soggy milquetoast alternative to dating: "hanging out."Here's how it works: you like someone but you're afraid to let him or her know. It has the trappings of a date—a cozy ambiance, comforting beverages, atmospheric music—while allowing everyone involved to disavow the actual occurrence of a date.
As a psychiatrist, I've seen how intense sexual attraction is notorious for obliterating common sense and intuition in the most sensible people. Lust is an altered state of consciousness programmed by the primal urge to procreate.
Here are some signs to watch for to differentiate pure lust from love.
In my book on intuitive healing I discuss the difference between lust and love as well as techniques to enhance sexual wellness.
Pure lust is based solely on physical attraction and fantasy--it often dissipates when the "real person" surfaces.
Instead of relying on beauty as my source of empowerment, I focused on basing my empowerment on my intelligence, successes, values, contributions to the world and how I helped others. In fact, some people regardless of their age, will never really grow up.
You can switch the genders in this post and most points would likely still apply.